selective hearing
oh look, jeremy’s writing again.
maybe there is something behind those cold stares after all
i’m just as human as you.
i say, but you don’t listen.
nobody listens when they’re really supposed to.
i wonder how many people will read this and roll their eyes
oh great, another idiot who thinks life dealt him a bad hand
but i’ll have you know that my luck at the casino
is just as bad as my luck outside
trying to get cell phone reception
my hands numb from the frigid air
but what’s the use anyways?
who knows.
certainly not me.
sometimes people tell me that i know what people are thinking in most situations
i laugh.
i could never be a psychologist or a therapist.
i wouldn’t be able to look in someone’s eyes and tell them what i haven’t even figured out myself.
maybe i’ll start my own business.
just a room full of couches
where people can lay down and tell their problems to the rest of the room
and nobody will listen to a word anyone else says.
oh it’ll be profitable as hell.
people will come from far and wide.
some idiot investor will come into the picture, throw some cash at me
we’ll expand.
a building filled with rooms filled with couches
filled with morons who think their problems matter.
the investor will come at the first of the month.
see that business is going quite well.
he’ll say we can do much bigger things
open franchises in helsinki
and tokyo.
pretty soon we’ll have buildings full of rooms full of couches
on every continent.
wait a second, you’re probably sitting on your couch right now.
complaining about your problems to people who pretend to care.
mission accomplished.
laundered thoughts
and nobody cares about your poetic diatribes about your lover’s attributes
there’s nothing of substance there
everyone’s a fucking futile device waiting to be broken down to pieces
and crushed through the compactor.
with my luck i’ll be the first one on the chopping block
hopefully i’ll get pushed through with my arms outstretched
so you can see me wave goodbye
before my last set of fingers are crushed to bits
along with the rest of me
and i’ll be as flat as the world used to be.
at least then i won’t have to read any more trash passed off as prose
but who am i to talk?
it’s not like anyone actually listens anyways.
at 3am, even the alley cats are asleep
and the mice they chase around
and the dogs that chase them around
the whole fucking world is asleep, why aren’t we?
what makes us feel so important?
maybe i’ll hang myself out to dry with the week’s laundry
i’ll have a good view of the city
with a look up you can see all the clouds traversing the skyline
look down, you can see all the people walking away
some slower than others
some looking back before they finally pass the point of no return
but everyone goes somewhere
and most don’t come back.
maybe we all need a day in the sun to dry off
Lord knows we’re all dirty enough to deserve the laundry cycle
sometimes it feels more like i’m being spun around the garbage disposal though
i guess either way we all end up in bits and pieces in the end anyways.
i just want to be broken beside you
because that’s all you can do at times like these.
cold and loneliness
there is always a time and a place
where it all just seems so pointless
all the misinterpreted remarks
and glances in the wrong direction
when you feel even farther away than distance can describe
and you have nowhere to go.
the bars are all closed
and you’re fast asleep
but i remain here
languishing.
and everyones insipid drivel makes you nauseous.
it’s like nobody understands your pain except yourself
and sometimes not even you can interpret all of it.
but there’s not much else to do
than sit out the night and cross off the days on the calendar
because we’re all just waiting
for the next thing to tide us over
a birthday
a holiday
sometimes even those things bring no pleasure
fuck it all.
After The Fall
oh, laying in that bed. we were but fragile instruments, meant to play a certain song. but some of us stray a little far from our sheet music, and we play off-key or out of tune. and now the whole concerto’s ruined, and you’re the only one to blame.
if i tell you the truth, would you hate me even more immensely? because i’m beginning to wonder if there’s a purpose in the foundation anymore, or if it’s just a stepping stone to the mess we got ourselves in. but you found yourself in this particular predicament on your own doing, so you’re going to have to find your own way home.
but i mean, you said it yourself, “what more could you ask for?” so i won’t bother trying to convince you anymore. and i won’t keep knocking on your door because my knuckles are turning red and bloody from the cold, frigid air out on your porch. i’d surely wash my hands of this but that would only make the pain increase. anything has to be better than the constant pain of holding on to pieces of broken glass, though, so i’ll drop this now and shatter it even more.
Tornado
can we talk a little bit of time
and dance our troubles away on the inside
of this house while the wind outside
is blowing the foundation away
because we won’t have much left
when the walls come crashing down
besides all of our material possessions
i’d suggest we take what’s important
but you know i’d only hold onto you
so i’ll just do that instead
while you’re clinging to your jewelry
and all your mementos of past regrets
i told you “you can’t take it with you.”
where you’re going, you can’t bring souvenirs
you laughed at me and told me not to boss you around
so i shrugged and let you do what you want once again
i know better than to act like i know best
so i’ll pad your coffin with all your finest things
and wonder if you were thinking of someone else all along
you probably were
but what’s the use wondering now
Letting The Cold Air In
sometimes i think i could solve the world’s problems
if i only had a little bit more time
but then again i can’t even fix my own problems
like stopping you from walking out that door
and sure, you always come back inside
because i know it’s cold and lonely
on the outside
but you’ve got a bad habit
of tracking mud onto our new carpets
no matter how much you clean it
the stain is still there
and then you’ll stay inside for a few days
and we’ll share a few laughs and a few drinks
and we’ll fuck until we’re out of breath
but then your phone will ring again
and i’ll say ‘can’t you turn that stupid thing off?’
and you’ll smile and say that it doesn’t mean a thing
as you venture outside in the cold again
leaving me to my own devices
and sure i’ll be okay for the night
but when i wake up i’ll still wonder
what bed you’ve inhabited this time
and what excuse you’ll make
and i’ll wait
and i’ll wait
and i’ll drum my fingers on the desk until i want to stab my ears
and i try my hardest not to miss you
because i know you’re on the outside without a care in the world
but i can’t help it
i’ll fucking miss you.
and then you’ll walk back inside
i’ll be asleep on the couch
and you’ll call me a lazy sack of shit
you’ll tell me that this is all my fault
and sure, i can smell the liquor on your breath
but your words, they still sting
so i’ll nod my head
and maybe trade a few harsh words
and you’ll say i’m just making everything worse
then you’ll walk away again.
and then we continue this vicious cycle
all because you don’t want to accept the fact
that this
is
your
home
and you can only run away from home so many times
but in the meantime, maybe i will use my newfound free time to solve some of the world’s issues
like world peace, or hunger
or save the whales
but i’ll probably just wait around to hear the key turn in the lock
and wait to hear your voice again
as much as it kills me
Street Lights And Night Skies
it’s never dark enough outside, but the sun’s probably coming out where you are, so i’ll just deal with it while i deal with these circumstances. these cold sheets, yeah they aren’t too comfortable, but nothing feels good when you’re not by my side anyways.
and even though the silence can sometimes be deafening, there’s nothing quite as loud as you.
and i’ll wake up another morning on the wrong coast, just hoping things will work out for the best. you always say you can’t predict the future, but we choose our own fate. so we won’t be apart much longer if i can help it, just please help me pass the time while i promise that time won’t pass us by.
and even though the silence can sometimes be deafening, there’s nothing quite as loud as you.
so grab a bite while i grab this opportunity and tell you i’ll never let go. and my word is bond, so consider us bound together, like the pages that make the story of our lives, because we know this isn’t even close to finished yet, no i don’t see this one ending at all.
and even though the silence can sometimes be deafening, there’s nothing quite as loud as you.
Backlot Carnival
do you remember when the carnival was in town?
and i took you by the hand and drove
that little pebblestone parking lot
damn, that was a bitch to park in
but it was worth it
seeing your eyes light up when we arrived
i wish i could have gotten us cotton candy
but alas, all my funds could afford
was one ride in the ferris wheel
for the two of us
i remember that guy, strapping us in
it was a rinky-dink ride, but it was enough for us
and then we were risen above
we could see the town from our seats
and i grabbed your hands
and kissed your lips
oh, i’d kill to stay up here with you forever.
Trains At Night
sometimes you can’t help but hear it
you’re in a parking lot somewhere
when the noise overcomes your senses
and you realize the train tracks
are vibrating quite invigoratingly tonight
the cars passing our small town
in the blink of an eye
and i feel jealous of those people
who are on their way
to where they want to be
while i stand here stationary
driving around endlessly
in a town that is not my home anymore
oh what i’d give
to be in a train headed east
tonight
for i’d ride that rail
as many hours as it’d take
to get back to your bed
and back into your arms
december can’t come soon enough.
Early Mornings
every morning that i wake
i remember the days when you
were but a short drive away
i’d wake at 4am to make it
to your side before we both awoke
i got dressed in silence
turned on the car and just drove
roads are quite empty this early
in the morning, so my waiting
did not take very long at all
and when i finally arrived
i’d park the car and run to the door
slide the door key in to be granted
passage into the halls that contained
my love and heart.
i’d run up the stairs to get to you
without having to wait at all
and then i’d slide that key once more
before cracking open the door
and sliding off my shoes and jacket
and sliding into bed
your warm body being all i need
it’s always all i need
to feel safe.
The Scenic Route
And I always take the scenic route home
But truly, there’s no better scenery than
Turning my head to check my lefts and rights
And seeing you sitting so peaceful in the passenger seat
Playing with your hair or biting your lip ever so gracefully
So I’ll inch my hand closer and closer to yours
Just as I’ll inch my feet always until they reach your doorstep
No matter how many blisters I may accrue or how much it hurts without you here
Because baby we’re going to live it good
When the only distance we have to deal with is one room to another
Table For One
They called out to me, I was seated on the bench near the entrance of the restaurant, they told me that were ready for me.
When you’re all by yourself, it’s not too hard to get a table.
Maybe it’s because they feel sorry for you, maybe it’s because they know how it feels, or maybe it’s simply for the fact that they can seat any one person at any table in the house.
I snicker at the fact that they’re probably judging me silently to themselves, and wondering why I’m alone, eating at such a nice restaurant.
They probably think I don’t have anyone, but I do have someone, someone extremely special to me, she’s just not in reach, much to my dismay, at least not right now.
At any rate, I nod, arise and follow the waitress to my destination place.
I find myself seated in the dim corner, all by myself in a table for two.
I won’t put anything on the opposite side of the table because you know I’m envisioning you seated opposite me, smiling at me, grinning from ear to ear, that one dimple on the side of your face showing up.
You have food on your teeth, in my head at least, and I think of a way to tell you this without embarrassing you, and I do.
And you bashfully clean it off and bat your eyelashes at me.
I tap my fingers across the tabletop a few inches before reaching your hands and turning your palms around to trace on them with my fingertips.
I open my eyes, the seat in front of me is now empty, the waitress looks at me, perplexed and confused, asking me if there’s anything else she can do for me.
I tell her no, I’m fine, and I’ll just be a few more minutes.
But I sit there a little longer, knowing that when I leave I’ll have to retire to a bed without you in it.
So I sit, and I wait, waiting out the minutes on the clock.
You’ve been asleep a few hours already, I knew you were tired so I didn’t keep you up, because your eyes looked so heavy and I wanted you to get the rest you need.
I told you that I’d call you when I went to sleep, which I have done for the past several months.
But then you fell asleep, and I was without you, lonely and wanting you, even if it would only be to fall asleep with you next to me.
I open my eyes again, the waitress is back, she’s becoming impatient now, I don’t want to waste her time any further.
I get out of my seat, throw my money on the table, and walk to the exit.
As I am leaving, my eyes are drawn to an elderly couple, seated near the wall, eating together.
I only look for a second, because it’s impolite to stare, but also for the reason that I’ve already in a split second juxtaposed our faces onto theirs, envisioning us growing old together and sharing a meal, older and wiser but not any love lost at all.
And if I were to look any longer, I’d run the risk of them turning towards me, their faces shown, and shattering the illusion I’ve created.
So I leave now, heading home to my bed, where I’ll clutch my pillow with one hand and call you with the phone in my other.
I won’t keep you up for too long, just long enough to tell you that I love you.
And you’ll fade into sleep, and I’ll fade into sleep, into dreams of us eating at that same restaurant together.
And I’ll smile, and you’ll laugh.
And I’ll hold your hand as tight as I hold your heart.
For all times.
I Miss You And California Does Too
california started raining the second you stepped out of my view, just as soon tears streamed down my face when you were out of sight, but never out of mind. you’re always on my mind. even dementia couldn’t ruin the way you’ve encapsulated my thoughts and passions.
so when you pick up that phone, just know that your voice is the only thing leading me home. i finally found my calling in life, and that’s paving the road to you.
when i got in that car and reached to hold for your hand, i knew you weren’t in the passenger seat anymore, but i could still feel your presence. and laying down in bed without you has no point, so i made do until i got your call and my heart felt whole again.
so when you pick up that phone, just know that your voice is the only thing leading me home. i finally found my calling in life, and that’s paving the road to you.
so when you pick up that phone, just know that your voice is the only thing leading me home. i finally found my calling in life, and that’s paving the road to you.
Incoming Call/Outgoing Kiss
hey you, i realize it’s quite late but you know i can’t sleep well without hearing your voice on the other end of the receiver. so i hope you’ll put up with my silly jokes and corny attempts to make you smile, because you know that’s all i hope to do. and you know that my pillowcase is missing your imprint but i’ll take this one night at a time, because i know it’s worth more than it’s weight in gold, and one day i’ll be able to say this all to your face.
now baby, try and sleep well without me for now, because you know if there was a way to intertwine our arms through these telephone lines, i’d sell everything i own.
i was dreaming but i was awoken by your soft voice and sweet attempts at conversation, and even when you tell me to return to rest i have to tell you that there’s nowhere i’d rather be than laying here and listening to you tell me how badly you wish that it was your touch to wake me up instead. and that’s really what keeps me going each day, knowing that with every sunrise and sunset, it’s just another day closer to spending each one with you here.
now baby, try and sleep well without me for now, because you know if there was a way to intertwine our arms through these telephone lines, i’d sell everything i own.
good morning beautiful, i know you’ve had a rough night without me there, but i’ll attempt to rectify that with a few sweet things that let you know how much i care. and just realize that these days spent apart will all blend together when the day comes that we can hold each other and reminisce on how we made this work. so if you’re ever feeling sad and lonely, just remember that our distance is only defined by miles and minutes, and whereas time is linear, the distance will be gone one day, and then we’ll only be left with all the time in the world to spend together.
now baby, try and sleep well without me for now, because you know if there was a way to intertwine our arms through these telephone lines, i’d sell everything i own.
now baby, try and sleep well without me for now, because you know if there was a way to intertwine our arms through these telephone lines, i’d sell everything i own.
Bedside Desires
laying in bed used to be a way for me to spend my days, apathetic and unmotivated from the perils of loves gone missing, however now that i’ve felt something i truly never have before i find myself not sleeping so late, not breathing so slowly, faster paces walking the halls waiting to see you now.
i’ve got a real good feeling now, so don’t let me go, because i’m fragile from all the handling, but i trust your touch the most.
nights once spent analyzing past memories, now spent waiting for the next time i’ll hear your voice, graciously giving my all into this, the effort that makes some men bow down, but that’s not me, i’m going to suit up and wait up for you, i’ll leave the light on, and the door unlocked, wake me when you’ve arrived.
i’ve got a real good feeling now, so don’t let me go, because i’m fragile from all the handling, but i trust your touch the most.
some say i must be dreaming, but i’ve pinched myself and this is very real, now there’s just the matter of all this road between us, all the highways connecting my bedspread to yours, but we make it easier on ourselves, and this is worth too much to give away and let go, so i’m going to stay awake for you, because i know you feel it too, so just give me your hand and we’ll make this last for good.
i’ve got a real good feeling now, so don’t let me go, because i’m fragile from all the handling, but i trust your touch the most.
